De Profundis / Oscar Wilde

. . . Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by 
seasons. We can only record its moods, and chronicle their return. 
With us time itself does not progress. It revolves. It seems to 
circle round one centre of pain. The paralysing immobility of a 
life every circumstance of which is regulated after an unchangeable 
pattern, so that we eat and drink and lie down and pray, or kneel 
at least for prayer, according to the inflexible laws of an iron 
formula: this immobile quality, that makes each dreadful day in 
the very minutest detail like its brother, seems to communicate 
itself to those external forces the very essence of whose existence 
is ceaseless change.
Of seed-time or harvest, of the reapers 
bending over the corn, or the grape gatherers threading through the 
vines, of the grass in the orchard made white with broken blossoms 
or strewn with fallen fruit: of these we know nothing and can know 

For us there is only one season, the season of sorrow. The very 
sun and moon seem taken from us. Outside, the day may be blue and 
gold, but the light that creeps down through the thickly-muffled 
glass of the small iron-barred window beneath which one sits is 
grey and niggard. It is always twilight in one's cell, as it is 
always twilight in one's heart. And in the sphere of thought, no 
less than in the sphere of time, motion is no more. The thing that 
you personally have long ago forgotten, or can easily forget, is 
happening to me now, and will happen to me again to-morrow. 
Remember this, and you will be able to understand a little of why I 
am writing, and in this manner writing. . . .

A week later, I am transferred here. Three more months go over and 
my mother dies. No one knew how deeply I loved and honoured her. 
Her death was terrible to me; but I, once a lord of language, have 
no words in which to express my anguish and my shame. She and my 
father had bequeathed me a name they had made noble and honoured, 
not merely in literature, art, archaeology, and science, but in the 
public history of my own country, in its evolution as a nation. I 
had disgraced that name eternally. I had made it a low by-word 
among low people. I had dragged it through the very mire. I had 
given it to brutes that they might make it brutal, and to fools 
that they might turn it into a synonym for folly. What I suffered 
then, and still suffer, is not for pen to write or paper to record. 
My wife, always kind and gentle to me, rather than that I should 
hear the news from indifferent lips, travelled, ill as she was, all 
the way from Genoa to England to break to me herself the tidings of 
so irreparable, so irremediable, a loss. Messages of sympathy 
reached me from all who had still affection for me. Even people 
who had not known me personally, hearing that a new sorrow had 
broken into my life, wrote to ask that some expression of their 
condolence should be conveyed to me. . . .

Three months go over. The calendar of my daily conduct and labour 
that hangs on the outside of my cell door, with my name and 
sentence written upon it, tells me that it is May. . . .

Prosperity, pleasure and success, may be rough of grain and common 
in fibre, but sorrow is the most sensitive of all created things. 
There is nothing that stirs in the whole world of thought to which 
sorrow does not vibrate in terrible and exquisite pulsation. The 
thin beaten-out leaf of tremulous gold that chronicles the 
direction of forces the eye cannot see is in comparison coarse. It 
is a wound that bleeds when any hand but that of love touches it, 
and even then must bleed again, though not in pain.

Where there is sorrow there in holy ground. Some day people will 
realise what that means. They will know nothing of life till they 
do, - and natures like his can realise it. When I was brought down 
from my prison to the Court of Bankruptcy, between two policemen, - 
waited in the long dreary corridor that, before the whole crowd, 
whom an action so sweet and simple hushed into silence, he might 
gravely raise his hat to me, as, handcuffed and with bowed head, I 
passed him by. Men have gone to heaven for smaller things than 
that. It was in this spirit, and with this mode of love, that the 
saints knelt down to wash the feet of the poor, or stooped to kiss 
the leper on the cheek. I have never said one single word to him 
about what he did. I do not know to the present moment whether he 
is aware that I was even conscious of his action. It is not a 
thing for which one can render formal thanks in formal words. I 
store it in the treasure-house of my heart. I keep it there as a 
secret debt that I am glad to think I can never possibly repay. It 
is embalmed and kept sweet by the myrrh and cassia of many tears. 
When wisdom has been profitless to me, philosophy barren, and the 
proverbs and phrases of those who have sought to give me 
consolation as dust and ashes in my mouth, the memory of that 
little, lovely, silent act of love has unsealed for me all the 
wells of pity: made the desert blossom like a rose, and brought me 
out of the bitterness of lonely exile into harmony with the 
wounded, broken, and great heart of the world. When people are 
able to understand, not merely how beautiful -'s action was, but 
why it meant so much to me, and always will mean so much, then, 
perhaps, they will realise how and in what spirit they should 
approach me. . . .

The poor are wise, more charitable, more kind, more sensitive than 
we are. In their eyes prison is a tragedy in a man's life, a 
misfortune, a casuality, something that calls for sympathy in 
others. They speak of one who is in prison as of one who is 'in 
trouble' simply. It is the phrase they always use, and the 
expression has the perfect wisdom of love in it. With people of 
our own rank it is different. With us, prison makes a man a 
pariah. I, and such as I am, have hardly any right to air and sun. 
Our presence taints the pleasures of others. We are unwelcome when 
we reappear. To revisit the glimpses of the moon is not for us. 
Our very children are taken away. Those lovely links with humanity 
are broken. We are doomed to be solitary, while our sons still 
live. We are denied the one thing that might heal us and keep us, 
that might bring balm to the bruised heart, and peace to the soul 
in pain. . . .

I must say to myself that I ruined myself, and that nobody great or 
small can be ruined except by his own hand. I am quite ready to 
say so. I am trying to say so, though they may not think it at the 
present moment. This pitiless indictment I bring without pity 
against myself. Terrible as was what the world did to me, what I 
did to myself was far more terrible still.

I was a man who stood in symbolic relations to the art and culture 
of my age. I had realised this for myself at the very dawn of my 
manhood, and had forced my age to realise it afterwards. Few men 
hold such a position in their own lifetime, and have it so 
acknowledged. It is usually discerned, if discerned at all, by the 
historian, or the critic, long after both the man and his age have 
passed away. With me it was different. I felt it myself, and made 
others feel it. Byron was a symbolic figure, but his relations 
were to the passion of his age and its weariness of passion. Mine 
were to something more noble, more permanent, of more vital issue, 
of larger scope.

The gods had given me almost everything. But I let myself be lured 
into long spells of senseless and sensual ease. I amused myself 
with being a FLANEUR, a dandy, a man of fashion. I surrounded 
myself with the smaller natures and the meaner minds. I became the 
spendthrift of my own genius, and to waste an eternal youth gave me 
a curious joy. Tired of being on the heights, I deliberately went 
to the depths in the search for new sensation. What the paradox 
was to me in the sphere of thought, perversity became to me in the 
sphere of passion. Desire, at the end, was a malady, or a madness, 
or both. I grew careless of the lives of others. I took pleasure 
where it pleased me, and passed on. I forgot that every little 
action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that 
therefore what one has done in the secret chamber one has some day 
to cry aloud on the housetop. I ceased to be lord over myself. I 
was no longer the captain of my soul, and did not know it. I 
allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace. 
There is only one thing for me now, absolute humility.

I have lain in prison for nearly two years. Out of my nature has 
come wild despair; an abandonment to grief that was piteous even to 
look at; terrible and impotent rage; bitterness and scorn; anguish 
that wept aloud; misery that could find no voice; sorrow that was 
dumb. I have passed through every possible mood of suffering. 
Better than Wordsworth himself I know what Wordsworth meant when he 
said -

'Suffering is permanent, obscure, and dark
And has the nature of infinity.'

But while there were times when I rejoiced in the idea that my 
sufferings were to be endless, I could not bear them to be without 
meaning. Now I find hidden somewhere away in my nature something 
that tells me that nothing in the whole world is meaningless, and 
suffering least of all. That something hidden away in my nature, 
like a treasure in a field, is Humility.

It is the last thing left in me, and the best: the ultimate 
discovery at which I have arrived, the starting-point for a fresh 
development. It has come to me right out of myself, so I know that 
it has come at the proper time. It could not have come before, nor 
later. Had any one told me of it, I would have rejected it. Had 
it been brought to me, I would have refused it. As I found it, I 
want to keep it. I must do so. It is the one thing that has in it 
the elements of life, of a new life, VITA NUOVA for me. Of all 
things it is the strangest. One cannot acquire it, except by 
surrendering everything that one has. It is only when one has lost 
all things, that one knows that one possesses it.

Now I have realised that it is in me, I see quite clearly what I 
ought to do; in fact, must do. And when I use such a phrase as 
that, I need not say that I am not alluding to any external 
sanction or command. I admit none. I am far more of an 
individualist than I ever was. Nothing seems to me of the smallest 
value except what one gets out of oneself. My nature is seeking a 
fresh mode of self-realisation. That is all I am concerned with. 
And the first thing that I have got to do is to free myself from 
any possible bitterness of feeling against the world.

I am completely penniless, and absolutely homeless. Yet there are 
worse things in the world than that. I am quite candid when I say 
that rather than go out from this prison with bitterness in my 
heart against the world, I would gladly and readily beg my bread 
from door to door. If I got nothing from the house of the rich I 
would get something at the house of the poor. Those who have much 
are often greedy; those who have little always share. I would not 
a bit mind sleeping in the cool grass in summer, and when winter 
came on sheltering myself by the warm close-thatched rick, or under 
the penthouse of a great barn, provided I had love in my heart. 
The external things of life seem to me now of no importance at all. 
You can see to what intensity of individualism I have arrived - or 
am arriving rather, for the journey is long, and 'where I walk 
there are thorns.'

Of course I know that to ask alms on the highway is not to be my 
lot, and that if ever I lie in the cool grass at night-time it will 
be to write sonnets to the moon. When I go out of prison, R- will 
be waiting for me on the other side of the big iron-studded gate, 
and he is the symbol, not merely of his own affection, but of the 
affection of many others besides. I believe I am to have enough to 
live on for about eighteen months at any rate, so that if I may not 
write beautiful books, I may at least read beautiful books; and 
what joy can be greater? After that, I hope to be able to recreate 
my creative faculty.

But were things different: had I not a friend left in the world; 
were there not a single house open to me in pity; had I to accept 
the wallet and ragged cloak of sheer penury: as long as I am free 
from all resentment, hardness and scorn, I would be able to face 
the life with much more calm and confidence than I would were my 
body in purple and fine linen, and the soul within me sick with 

And I really shall have no difficulty. When you really want love 
you will find it waiting for you.

I need not say that my task does not end there. It would be 
comparatively easy if it did. There is much more before me. I 
have hills far steeper to climb, valleys much darker to pass 
through. And I have to get it all out of myself. Neither 
religion, morality, nor reason can help me at all.

Morality does not help me. I am a born antinomian. I am one of 
those who are made for exceptions, not for laws. But while I see 
that there is nothing wrong in what one does, I see that there is 
something wrong in what one becomes. It is well to have learned 

Religion does not help me. The faith that others give to what is 
unseen, I give to what one can touch, and look at. My gods dwell 
in temples made with hands; and within the circle of actual 
experience is my creed made perfect and complete: too complete, it 
may be, for like many or all of those who have placed their heaven 
in this earth, I have found in it not merely the beauty of heaven, 
but the horror of hell also. When I think about religion at all, I 
feel as if I would like to found an order for those who CANNOT 
believe: the Confraternity of the Faithless, one might call it, 
where on an altar, on which no taper burned, a priest, in whose 
heart peace had no dwelling, might celebrate with unblessed bread 
and a chalice empty of wine. Every thing to be true must become a 
religion. And agnosticism should have its ritual no less than 
faith. It has sown its martyrs, it should reap its saints, and 
praise God daily for having hidden Himself from man. But whether 
it be faith or agnosticism, it must be nothing external to me. Its 
symbols must be of my own creating. Only that is spiritual which 
makes its own form. If I may not find its secret within myself, I 
shall never find it: if I have not got it already, it will never 
come to me.

Reason does not help me. It tells me that the laws under which I 
am convicted are wrong and unjust laws, and the system under which 
I have suffered a wrong and unjust system. But, somehow, I have 
got to make both of these things just and right to me. And exactly 
as in Art one is only concerned with what a particular thing is at 
a particular moment to oneself, so it is also in the ethical 
evolution of one's character. I have got to make everything that 
has happened to me good for me. The plank bed, the loathsome food, 
the hard ropes shredded into oakum till one's finger-tips grow dull 
with pain, the menial offices with which each day begins and 
finishes, the harsh orders that routine seems to necessitate, the 
dreadful dress that makes sorrow grotesque to look at, the silence, 
the solitude, the shame - each and all of these things I have to 
transform into a spiritual experience. There is not a single 
degradation of the body which I must not try and make into a 
spiritualising of the soul.

I want to get to the point when I shall be able to say quite 
simply, and without affectation that the two great turning-points 
in my life were when my father sent me to Oxford, and when society 
sent me to prison. I will not say that prison is the best thing 
that could have happened to me: for that phrase would savour of 
too great bitterness towards myself. I would sooner say, or hear 
it said of me, that I was so typical a child of my age, that in my 
perversity, and for that perversity's sake, I turned the good 
things of my life to evil, and the evil things of my life to good.

What is said, however, by myself or by others, matters little. The 
important thing, the thing that lies before me, the thing that I 
have to do, if the brief remainder of my days is not to be maimed, 
marred, and incomplete, is to absorb into my nature all that has 
been done to me, to make it part of me, to accept it without 
complaint, fear, or reluctance. The supreme vice is shallowness. 
Whatever is realised is right.

When first I was put into prison some people advised me to try and 
forget who I was. It was ruinous advice. It is only by realising 
what I am that I have found comfort of any kind. Now I am advised 
by others to try on my release to forget that I have ever been in a 
prison at all. I know that would be equally fatal. It would mean 
that I would always be haunted by an intolerable sense of disgrace, 
and that those things that are meant for me as much as for anybody 
else - the beauty of the sun and moon, the pageant of the seasons, 
the music of daybreak and the silence of great nights, the rain 
falling through the leaves, or the dew creeping over the grass and 
making it silver - would all be tainted for me, and lose their 
healing power, and their power of communicating joy. To regret 
one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny 
one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's own 
life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.

For just as the body absorbs things of all kinds, things common and 
unclean no less than those that the priest or a vision has 
cleansed, and converts them into swiftness or strength, into the 
play of beautiful muscles and the moulding of fair flesh, into the 
curves and colours of the hair, the lips, the eye; so the soul in 
its turn has its nutritive functions also, and can transform into 
noble moods of thought and passions of high import what in itself 
is base, cruel and degrading; nay, more, may find in these its most 
august modes of assertion, and can often reveal itself most 
perfectly through what was intended to desecrate or destroy.

The fact of my having been the common prisoner of a common gaol I 
must frankly accept, and, curious as it may seem, one of the things 
I shall have to teach myself is not to be ashamed of it. I must 
accept it as a punishment, and if one is ashamed of having been 
punished, one might just as well never have been punished at all. 
Of course there are many things of which I was convicted that I had 
not done, but then there are many things of which I was convicted 
that I had done, and a still greater number of things in my life 
for which I was never indicted at all. And as the gods are 
strange, and punish us for what is good and humane in us as much as 
for what is evil and perverse, I must accept the fact that one is 
punished for the good as well as for the evil that one does. I 
have no doubt that it is quite right one should be. It helps one, 
or should help one, to realise both, and not to be too conceited 
about either. And if I then am not ashamed of my punishment, as I 
hope not to be, I shall be able to think, and walk, and live with 

Many men on their release carry their prison about with them into 
the air, and hide it as a secret disgrace in their hearts, and at 
length, like poor poisoned things, creep into some hole and die. 
It is wretched that they should have to do so, and it is wrong, 
terribly wrong, of society that it should force them to do so. 
Society takes upon itself the right to inflict appalling punishment 
on the individual, but it also has the supreme vice of shallowness, 
and fails to realise what it has done. When the man's punishment 
is over, it leaves him to himself; that is to say, it abandons him 
at the very moment when its highest duty towards him begins. It is 
really ashamed of its own actions, and shuns those whom it has 
punished, as people shun a creditor whose debt they cannot pay, or 
one on whom they have inflicted an irreparable, an irremediable 
wrong. I can claim on my side that if I realise what I have 
suffered, society should realise what it has inflicted on me; and 
that there should be no bitterness or hate on either side.

Of course I know that from one point of view things will be made 
different for me than for others; must indeed, by the very nature 
of the case, be made so. The poor thieves and outcasts who are 
imprisoned here with me are in many respects more fortunate than I 
am. The little way in grey city or green field that saw their sin 
is small; to find those who know nothing of what they have done 
they need go no further than a bird might fly between the twilight 
and the dawn; but for me the world is shrivelled to a handsbreadth, 
and everywhere I turn my name is written on the rocks in lead. For 
I have come, not from obscurity into the momentary notoriety of 
crime, but from a sort of eternity of fame to a sort of eternity of 
infamy, and sometimes seem to myself to have shown, if indeed it 
required showing, that between the famous and the infamous there is 
but one step, if as much as one.

Still, in the very fact that people will recognise me wherever I 
go, and know all about my life, as far as its follies go, I can 
discern something good for me. It will force on me the necessity 
of again asserting myself as an artist, and as soon as I possibly 
can. If I can produce only one beautiful work of art I shall be 
able to rob malice of its venom, and cowardice of its sneer, and to 
pluck out the tongue of scorn by the roots.

And if life be, as it surely is, a problem to me, I am no less a 
problem to life. People must adopt some attitude towards me, and 
so pass judgment, both on themselves and me. I need not say I am 
not talking of particular individuals. The only people I would 
care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: 
those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: 
nobody else interests me. Nor am I making any demands on life. In 
all that I have said I am simply concerned with my own mental 
attitude towards life as a whole; and I feel that not to be ashamed 
of having been punished is one of the first points I must attain 
to, for the sake of my own perfection, and because I am so 

Then I must learn how to be happy. Once I knew it, or thought I 
knew it, by instinct. It was always springtime once in my heart. 
My temperament was akin to joy. I filled my life to the very brim 
with pleasure, as one might fill a cup to the very brim with wine. 
Now I am approaching life from a completely new standpoint, and 
even to conceive happiness is often extremely difficult for me. I 
remember during my first term at Oxford reading in Pater's 
RENAISSANCE - that book which has had such strange influence over 
my life - how Dante places low in the Inferno those who wilfully 
live in sadness; and going to the college library and turning to 
the passage in the DIVINE COMEDY where beneath the dreary marsh lie 
those who were 'sullen in the sweet air,' saying for ever and ever 
through their sighs -

'Tristi fummo
Nell aer dolce che dal sol s'allegra.'

I knew the church condemned ACCIDIA, but the whole idea seemed to 
me quite fantastic, just the sort of sin, I fancied, a priest who 
knew nothing about real life would invent. Nor could I understand 
how Dante, who says that 'sorrow remarries us to God,' could have 
been so harsh to those who were enamoured of melancholy, if any 
such there really were. I had no idea that some day this would 
become to me one of the greatest temptations of my life.

While I was in Wandsworth prison I longed to die. It was my one 
desire. When after two months in the infirmary I was transferred 
here, and found myself growing gradually better in physical health, 
I was filled with rage. I determined to commit suicide on the very 
day on which I left prison. After a time that evil mood passed 
away, and I made up my mind to live, but to wear gloom as a king 
wears purple: never to smile again: to turn whatever house I 
entered into a house of mourning: to make my friends walk slowly 
in sadness with me: to teach them that melancholy is the true 
secret of life: to maim them with an alien sorrow: to mar them 
with my own pain. Now I feel quite differently. I see it would be 
both ungrateful and unkind of me to pull so long a face that when 
my friends came to see me they would have to make their faces still 
longer in order to show their sympathy; or, if I desired to 
entertain them, to invite them to sit down silently to bitter herbs 
and funeral baked meats. I must learn how to be cheerful and 

The last two occasions on which I was allowed to see my friends 
here, I tried to be as cheerful as possible, and to show my 
cheerfulness, in order to make them some slight return for their 
trouble in coming all the way from town to see me. It is only a 
slight return, I know, but it is the one, I feel certain, that 
pleases them most. I saw R- for an hour on Saturday week, and I 
tried to give the fullest possible expression of the delight I 
really felt at our meeting. And that, in the views and ideas I am 
here shaping for myself, I am quite right is shown to me by the 
fact that now for the first time since my imprisonment I have a 
real desire for life.

There is before me so much to do, that I would regard it as a 
terrible tragedy if I died before I was allowed to complete at any 
rate a little of it. I see new developments in art and life, each 
one of which is a fresh mode of perfection. I long to live so that 
I can explore what is no less than a new world to me. Do you want 
to know what this new world is? I think you can guess what it is. 
It is the world in which I have been living. Sorrow, then, and all 
that it teaches one, is my new world.

I used to live entirely for pleasure. I shunned suffering and 
sorrow of every kind. I hated both. I resolved to ignore them as 
far as possible: to treat them, that is to say, as modes of 
imperfection. They were not part of my scheme of life. They had 
no place in my philosophy. My mother, who knew life as a whole, 
used often to quote to me Goethe's lines - written by Carlyle in a 
book he had given her years ago, and translated by him, I fancy, 

'Who never ate his bread in sorrow,
Who never spent the midnight hours
Weeping and waiting for the morrow, -
He knows you not, ye heavenly powers.'

They were the lines which that noble Queen of Prussia, whom 
Napoleon treated with such coarse brutality, used to quote in her 
humiliation and exile; they were the lines my mother often quoted 
in the troubles of her later life. I absolutely declined to accept 
or admit the enormous truth hidden in them. I could not understand 
it. I remember quite well how I used to tell her that I did not 
want to eat my bread in sorrow, or to pass any night weeping and 
watching for a more bitter dawn.

I had no idea that it was one of the special things that the Fates 
had in store for me: that for a whole year of my life, indeed, I 
was to do little else. But so has my portion been meted out to me; 
and during the last few months I have, after terrible difficulties 
and struggles, been able to comprehend some of the lessons hidden 
in the heart of pain. Clergymen and people who use phrases without 
wisdom sometimes talk of suffering as a mystery. It is really a 
revelation. One discerns things one never discerned before. One 
approaches the whole of history from a different standpoint. What 
one had felt dimly, through instinct, about art, is intellectually 
and emotionally realised with perfect clearness of vision and 
absolute intensity of apprehension.

I now see that sorrow, being the supreme emotion of which man is 
capable, is at once the type and test of all great art. What the 
artist is always looking for is the mode of existence in which soul 
and body are one and indivisible: in which the outward is 
expressive of the inward: in which form reveals. Of such modes of 
existence there are not a few: youth and the arts preoccupied with 
youth may serve as a model for us at one moment: at another we may 
like to think that, in its subtlety and sensitiveness of 
impression, its suggestion of a spirit dwelling in external things 
and making its raiment of earth and air, of mist and city alike, 
and in its morbid sympathy of its moods, and tones, and colours, 
modern landscape art is realising for us pictorially what was 
realised in such plastic perfection by the Greeks. Music, in which 
all subject is absorbed in expression and cannot be separated from 
it, is a complex example, and a flower or a child a simple example, 
of what I mean; but sorrow is the ultimate type both in life and 

Behind joy and laughter there may be a temperament, coarse, hard 
and callous. But behind sorrow there is always sorrow. Pain, 
unlike pleasure, wears no mask. Truth in art is not any 
correspondence between the essential idea and the accidental 
existence; it is not the resemblance of shape to shadow, or of the 
form mirrored in the crystal to the form itself; it is no echo 
coming from a hollow hill, any more than it is a silver well of 
water in the valley that shows the moon to the moon and Narcissus 
to Narcissus. Truth in art is the unity of a thing with itself: 
the outward rendered expressive of the inward: the soul made 
incarnate: the body instinct with spirit. For this reason there 
is no truth comparable to sorrow. There are times when sorrow 
seems to me to be the only truth. Other things may be illusions of 
the eye or the appetite, made to blind the one and cloy the other, 
but out of sorrow have the worlds been built, and at the birth of a 
child or a star there is pain.

More than this, there is about sorrow an intense, an extraordinary 
reality. I have said of myself that I was one who stood in 
symbolic relations to the art and culture of my age. There is not 
a single wretched man in this wretched place along with me who does 
not stand in symbolic relation to the very secret of life. For the 
secret of life is suffering. It is what is hidden behind 
everything. When we begin to live, what is sweet is so sweet to 
us, and what is bitter so bitter, that we inevitably direct all our 
desires towards pleasures, and seek not merely for a 'month or 
twain to feed on honeycomb,' but for all our years to taste no 
other food, ignorant all the while that we may really be starving 
the soul.

I remember talking once on this subject to one of the most 
beautiful personalities I have ever known: a woman, whose sympathy 
and noble kindness to me, both before and since the tragedy of my 
imprisonment, have been beyond power and description; one who has 
really assisted me, though she does not know it, to bear the burden 
of my troubles more than any one else in the whole world has, and 
all through the mere fact of her existence, through her being what 
she is - partly an ideal and partly an influence: a suggestion of 
what one might become as well as a real help towards becoming it; a 
soul that renders the common air sweet, and makes what is spiritual 
seem as simple and natural as sunlight or the sea: one for whom 
beauty and sorrow walk hand in hand, and have the same message. On 
the occasion of which I am thinking I recall distinctly how I said 
to her that there was enough suffering in one narrow London lane to 
show that God did not love man, and that wherever there was any 
sorrow, though but that of a child, in some little garden weeping 
over a fault that it had or had not committed, the whole face of 
creation was completely marred. I was entirely wrong. She told me 
so, but I could not believe her. I was not in the sphere in which 
such belief was to be attained to. Now it seems to me that love of 
some kind is the only possible explanation of the extraordinary 
amount of suffering that there is in the world. I cannot conceive 
of any other explanation. I am convinced that there is no other, 
and that if the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of 
sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other 
way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the 
full stature of its perfection. Pleasure for the beautiful body, 
but pain for the beautiful soul.

When I say that I am convinced of these things I speak with too 
much pride. Far off, like a perfect pearl, one can see the city of 
God. It is so wonderful that it seems as if a child could reach it 
in a summer's day. And so a child could. But with me and such as 
me it is different. One can realise a thing in a single moment, 
but one loses it in the long hours that follow with leaden feet. 
It is so difficult to keep 'heights that the soul is competent to 
gain.' We think in eternity, but we move slowly through time; and 
how slowly time goes with us who lie in prison I need not tell 
again, nor of the weariness and despair that creep back into one's 
cell, and into the cell of one's heart, with such strange 
insistence that one has, as it were, to garnish and sweep one's 
house for their coming, as for an unwelcome guest, or a bitter 
master, or a slave whose slave it is one's chance or choice to be.

And, though at present my friends may find it a hard thing to 
believe, it is true none the less, that for them living in freedom 
and idleness and comfort it is more easy to learn the lessons of 
humility than it is for me, who begin the day by going down on my 
knees and washing the floor of my cell. For prison life with its 
endless privations and restrictions makes one rebellious. The most 
terrible thing about it is not that it breaks one's heart - hearts 
are made to be broken - but that it turns one's heart to stone. 
One sometimes feels that it is only with a front of brass and a lip 
of scorn that one can get through the day at all. And he who is in 
a state of rebellion cannot receive grace, to use the phrase of 
which the Church is so fond - so rightly fond, I dare say - for in 
life as in art the mood of rebellion closes up the channels of the 
soul, and shuts out the airs of heaven. Yet I must learn these 
lessons here, if I am to learn them anywhere, and must be filled 
with joy if my feet are on the right road and my face set towards 
'the gate which is called beautiful,' though I may fall many times 
in the mire and often in the mist go astray.

This New Life, as through my love of Dante I like sometimes to call 
it, is of course no new life at all, but simply the continuance, by 
means of development, and evolution, of my former life. I remember 
when I was at Oxford saying to one of my friends as we were 
strolling round Magdalen's narrow bird-haunted walks one morning in 
the year before I took my degree, that I wanted to eat of the fruit 
of all the trees in the garden of the world, and that I was going 
out into the world with that passion in my soul. And so, indeed, I 
went out, and so I lived. My only mistake was that I confined 
myself so exclusively to the trees of what seemed to me the sun-lit 
side of the garden, and shunned the other side for its shadow and 
its gloom. Failure, disgrace, poverty, sorrow, despair, suffering, 
tears even, the broken words that come from lips in pain, remorse 
that makes one walk on thorns, conscience that condemns, self-
abasement that punishes, the misery that puts ashes on its head, 
the anguish that chooses sack-cloth for its raiment and into its 
own drink puts gall:- all these were things of which I was afraid. 
And as I had determined to know nothing of them, I was forced to 
taste each of them in turn, to feed on them, to have for a season, 
indeed, no other food at all.

I don't regret for a single moment having lived for pleasure. I 
did it to the full, as one should do everything that one does. 
There was no pleasure I did not experience. I threw the pearl of 
my soul into a cup of wine. I went down the primrose path to the 
sound of flutes. I lived on honeycomb. But to have continued the 
same life would have been wrong because it would have been 
limiting. I had to pass on. The other half of the garden had its 
secrets for me also. Of course all this is foreshadowed and 
prefigured in my books. Some of it is in THE HAPPY PRINCE, some of 
it in THE YOUNG KING, notably in the passage where the bishop says 
to the kneeling boy, 'Is not He who made misery wiser than thou 
art'? a phrase which when I wrote it seemed to me little more than 
a phrase; a great deal of it is hidden away in the note of doom 
that like a purple thread runs through the texture of DORIAN GRAY; 
in THE CRITIC AS ARTIST it is set forth in many colours; in THE 
SOUL OF MAN it is written down, and in letters too easy to read; it 
is one of the refrains whose recurring MOTIFS make SALOME so like a 
piece of music and bind it together as a ballad; in the prose poem 
of the man who from the bronze of the image of the 'Pleasure that 
liveth for a moment' has to make the image of the 'Sorrow that 
abideth for ever' it is incarnate. It could not have been 
otherwise. At every single moment of one's life one is what one is 
going to be no less than what one has been. Art is a symbol, 
because man is a symbol.

It is, if I can fully attain to it, the ultimate realisation of the 
artistic life. For the artistic life is simply self-development. 
Humility in the artist is his frank acceptance of all experiences, 
just as love in the artist is simply the sense of beauty that 
reveals to the world its body and its soul. In MARIUS THE 
EPICUREAN Pater seeks to reconcile the artistic life with the life 
of religion, in the deep, sweet, and austere sense of the word. 
But Marius is little more than a spectator: an ideal spectator 
indeed, and one to whom it is given 'to contemplate the spectacle 
of life with appropriate emotions,' which Wordsworth defines as the 
poet's true aim; yet a spectator merely, and perhaps a little too 
much occupied with the comeliness of the benches of the sanctuary 
to notice that it is the sanctuary of sorrow that he is gazing at.

I see a far more intimate and immediate connection between the true 
life of Christ and the true life of the artist; and I take a keen 
pleasure in the reflection that long before sorrow had made my days 
her own and bound me to her wheel I had written in THE SOUL OF MAN 
that he who would lead a Christ-like life must be entirely and 
absolutely himself, and had taken as my types not merely the 
shepherd on the hillside and the prisoner in his cell, but also the 
painter to whom the world is a pageant and the poet for whom the 
world is a song. I remember saying once to Andre Gide, as we sat 
together in some Paris CAFE, that while meta-physics had but little 
real interest for me, and morality absolutely none, there was 
nothing that either Plato or Christ had said that could not be 
transferred immediately into the sphere of Art and there find its 
complete fulfilment.

Nor is it merely that we can discern in Christ that close union of 
personality with perfection which forms the real distinction 
between the classical and romantic movement in life, but the very 
basis of his nature was the same as that of the nature of the 
artist - an intense and flamelike imagination. He realised in the 
entire sphere of human relations that imaginative sympathy which in 
the sphere of Art is the sole secret of creation. He understood 
the leprosy of the leper, the darkness of the blind, the fierce 
misery of those who live for pleasure, the strange poverty of the 
rich. Some one wrote to me in trouble, 'When you are not on your 
pedestal you are not interesting.' How remote was the writer from 
what Matthew Arnold calls 'the Secret of Jesus.' Either would have 
taught him that whatever happens to another happens to oneself, and 
if you want an inscription to read at dawn and at night-time, and 
for pleasure or for pain, write up on the walls of your house in 
letters for the sun to gild and the moon to silver, 'Whatever 
happens to oneself happens to another.'

Christ's place indeed is with the poets. His whole conception of 
Humanity sprang right out of the imagination and can only be 
realised by it. What God was to the pantheist, man was to Him. He 
was the first to conceive the divided races as a unity. Before his 
time there had been gods and men, and, feeling through the 
mysticism of sympathy that in himself each had been made incarnate, 
he calls himself the Son of the one or the Son of the other, 
according to his mood. More than any one else in history he wakes 
in us that temper of wonder to which romance always appeals. There 
is still something to me almost incredible in the idea of a young 
Galilean peasant imagining that he could bear on his own shoulders 
the burden of the entire world; all that had already been done and 
suffered, and all that was yet to be done and suffered: the sins 
of Nero, of Caesar Borgia, of Alexander VI., and of him who was 
Emperor of Rome and Priest of the Sun: the sufferings of those 
whose names are legion and whose dwelling is among the tombs: 
oppressed nationalities, factory children, thieves, people in 
prison, outcasts, those who are dumb under oppression and whose 
silence is heard only of God; and not merely imagining this but 
actually achieving it, so that at the present moment all who come 
in contact with his personality, even though they may neither bow 
to his altar nor kneel before his priest, in some way find that the 
ugliness of their sin is taken away and the beauty of their sorrow 
revealed to them.

I had said of Christ that he ranks with the poets. That is true. 
Shelley and Sophocles are of his company. But his entire life also 
is the most wonderful of poems. For 'pity and terror' there is 
nothing in the entire cycle of Greek tragedy to touch it. The 
absolute purity of the protagonist raises the entire scheme to a 
height of romantic art from which the sufferings of Thebes and 
Pelops' line are by their very horror excluded, and shows how wrong 
Aristotle was when he said in his treatise on the drama that it 
would be impossible to bear the spectacle of one blameless in pain. 
Nor in AEschylus nor Dante, those stern masters of tenderness, in 
Shakespeare, the most purely human of all the great artists, in the 
whole of Celtic myth and legend, where the loveliness of the world 
is shown through a mist of tears, and the life of a man is no more 
than the life of a flower, is there anything that, for sheer 
simplicity of pathos wedded and made one with sublimity of tragic 
effect, can be said to equal or even approach the last act of 
Christ's passion. The little supper with his companions, one of 
whom has already sold him for a price; the anguish in the quiet 
moon-lit garden; the false friend coming close to him so as to 
betray him with a kiss; the friend who still believed in him, and 
on whom as on a rock he had hoped to build a house of refuge for 
Man, denying him as the bird cried to the dawn; his own utter 
loneliness, his submission, his acceptance of everything; and along 
with it all such scenes as the high priest of orthodoxy rending his 
raiment in wrath, and the magistrate of civil justice calling for 
water in the vain hope of cleansing himself of that stain of 
innocent blood that makes him the scarlet figure of history; the 
coronation ceremony of sorrow, one of the most wonderful things in 
the whole of recorded time; the crucifixion of the Innocent One 
before the eyes of his mother and of the disciple whom he loved; 
the soldiers gambling and throwing dice for his clothes; the 
terrible death by which he gave the world its most eternal symbol; 
and his final burial in the tomb of the rich man, his body swathed 
in Egyptian linen with costly spices and perfumes as though he had 
been a king's son. When one contemplates all this from the point 
of view of art alone one cannot but be grateful that the supreme 
office of the Church should be the playing of the tragedy without 
the shedding of blood: the mystical presentation, by means of 
dialogue and costume and gesture even, of the Passion of her Lord; 
and it is always a source of pleasure and awe to me to remember 
that the ultimate survival of the Greek chorus, lost elsewhere to 
art, is to be found in the servitor answering the priest at Mass.

Yet the whole life of Christ - so entirely may sorrow and beauty be 
made one in their meaning and manifestation - is really an idyll, 
though it ends with the veil of the temple being rent, and the 
darkness coming over the face of the earth, and the stone rolled to 
the door of the sepulchre. One always thinks of him as a young 
bridegroom with his companions, as indeed he somewhere describes 
himself; as a shepherd straying through a valley with his sheep in 
search of green meadow or cool stream; as a singer trying to build 
out of the music the walls of the City of God; or as a lover for 
whose love the whole world was too small. His miracles seem to me 
to be as exquisite as the coming of spring, and quite as natural. 
I see no difficulty at all in believing that such was the charm of 
his personality that his mere presence could bring peace to souls 
in anguish, and that those who touched his garments or his hands 
forgot their pain; or that as he passed by on the highway of life 
people who had seen nothing of life's mystery, saw it clearly, and 
others who had been deaf to every voice but that of pleasure heard 
for the first time the voice of love and found it as 'musical as 
Apollo's lute'; or that evil passions fled at his approach, and men 
whose dull unimaginative lives had been but a mode of death rose as 
it were from the grave when he called them; or that when he taught 
on the hillside the multitude forgot their hunger and thirst and 
the cares of this world, and that to his friends who listened to 
him as he sat at meat the coarse food seemed delicate, and the 
water had the taste of good wine, and the whole house became full 
of the odour and sweetness of nard.

Renan in his VIE DE JESUS - that gracious fifth gospel, the gospel 
according to St. Thomas, one might call it - says somewhere that 
Christ's great achievement was that he made himself as much loved 
after his death as he had been during his lifetime. And certainly, 
if his place is among the poets, he is the leader of all the 
lovers. He saw that love was the first secret of the world for 
which the wise men had been looking, and that it was only through 
love that one could approach either the heart of the leper or the 
feet of God.

And above all, Christ is the most supreme of individualists. 
Humility, like the artistic, acceptance of all experiences, is 
merely a mode of manifestation. It is man's soul that Christ is 
always looking for. He calls it 'God's Kingdom,' and finds it in 
every one. He compares it to little things, to a tiny seed, to a 
handful of leaven, to a pearl. That is because one realises one's 
soul only by getting rid of all alien passions, all acquired 
culture, and all external possessions, be they good or evil.

I bore up against everything with some stubbornness of will and 
much rebellion of nature, till I had absolutely nothing left in the 
world but one thing. I had lost my name, my position, my 
happiness, my freedom, my wealth. I was a prisoner and a pauper. 
But I still had my children left. Suddenly they were taken away 
from me by the law. It was a blow so appalling that I did not know 
what to do, so I flung myself on my knees, and bowed my head, and 
wept, and said, 'The body of a child is as the body of the Lord: I 
am not worthy of either.' That moment seemed to save me. I saw 
then that the only thing for me was to accept everything. Since 
then - curious as it will no doubt sound - I have been happier. It 
was of course my soul in its ultimate essence that I had reached. 
In many ways I had been its enemy, but I found it waiting for me as 
a friend. When one comes in contact with the soul it makes one 
simple as a child, as Christ said one should be.

It is tragic how few people ever 'possess their souls' before they 
die. 'Nothing is more rare in any man,' says Emerson, 'than an act 
of his own.' It is quite true. Most people are other people. 
Their thoughts are some one else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, 
their passions a quotation. Christ was not merely the supreme 
individualist, but he was the first individualist in history. 
People have tried to make him out an ordinary philanthropist, or 
ranked him as an altruist with the scientific and sentimental. But 
he was really neither one nor the other. Pity he has, of course, 
for the poor, for those who are shut up in prisons, for the lowly, 
for the wretched; but he has far more pity for the rich, for the 
hard hedonists, for those who waste their freedom in becoming 
slaves to things, for those who wear soft raiment and live in 
kings' houses. Riches and pleasure seemed to him to be really 
greater tragedies than poverty or sorrow. And as for altruism, who 
knew better than he that it is vocation not volition that 
determines us, and that one cannot gather grapes of thorns or figs 
from thistles?

To live for others as a definite self-conscious aim was not his 
creed. It was not the basis of his creed. When he says, 'Forgive 
your enemies,' it is not for the sake of the enemy, but for one's 
own sake that he says so, and because love is more beautiful than 
hate. In his own entreaty to the young man, 'Sell all that thou 
hast and give to the poor,' it is not of the state of the poor that 
he is thinking but of the soul of the young man, the soul that 
wealth was marring. In his view of life he is one with the artist 
who knows that by the inevitable law of self-perfection, the poet 
must sing, and the sculptor think in bronze, and the painter make 
the world a mirror for his moods, as surely and as certainly as the 
hawthorn must blossom in spring, and the corn turn to gold at 
harvest-time, and the moon in her ordered wanderings change from 
shield to sickle, and from sickle to shield.

But while Christ did not say to men, 'Live for others,' he pointed 
out that there was no difference at all between the lives of others 
and one's own life. By this means he gave to man an extended, a 
Titan personality. Since his coming the history of each separate 
individual is, or can be made, the history of the world. Of 
course, culture has intensified the personality of man. Art has 
made us myriad-minded. Those who have the artistic temperament go 
into exile with Dante and learn how salt is the bread of others, 
and how steep their stairs; they catch for a moment the serenity 
and calm of Goethe, and yet know but too well that Baudelaire cried 
to God -

'O Seigneur, donnez moi la force et le courage
De contempler mon corps et mon coeur sans degout.'

Out of Shakespeare's sonnets they draw, to their own hurt it may 
be, the secret of his love and make it their own; they look with 
new eyes on modern life, because they have listened to one of 
Chopin's nocturnes, or handled Greek things, or read the story of 
the passion of some dead man for some dead woman whose hair was 
like threads of fine gold, and whose mouth was as a pomegranate. 
But the sympathy of the artistic temperament is necessarily with 
what has found expression. In words or in colours, in music or in 
marble, behind the painted masks of an AEschylean play, or through 
some Sicilian shepherds' pierced and jointed reeds, the man and his 
message must have been revealed.

To the artist, expression is the only mode under which he can 
conceive life at all. To him what is dumb is dead. But to Christ 
it was not so. With a width and wonder of imagination that fills 
one almost with awe, he took the entire world of the inarticulate, 
the voiceless world of pain, as his kingdom, and made of himself 
its eternal mouthpiece. Those of whom I have spoken, who are dumb 
under oppression, and 'whose silence is heard only of God,' he 
chose as his brothers. He sought to become eyes to the blind, ears 
to the deaf, and a cry in the lips of those whose tongues had been 
tied. His desire was to be to the myriads who had found no 
utterance a very trumpet through which they might call to heaven. 
And feeling, with the artistic nature of one to whom suffering and 
sorrow were modes through which he could realise his conception of 
the beautiful, that an idea is of no value till it becomes 
incarnate and is made an image, he made of himself the image of the 
Man of Sorrows, and as such has fascinated and dominated art as no 
Greek god ever succeeded in doing.

For the Greek gods, in spite of the white and red of their fair 
fleet limbs, were not really what they appeared to be. The curved 
brow of Apollo was like the sun's disc crescent over a hill at 
dawn, and his feet were as the wings of the morning, but he himself 
had been cruel to Marsyas and had made Niobe childless. In the 
steel shields of Athena's eyes there had been no pity for Arachne; 
the pomp and peacocks of Hera were all that was really noble about 
her; and the Father of the Gods himself had been too fond of the 
daughters of men. The two most deeply suggestive figures of Greek 
Mythology were, for religion, Demeter, an Earth Goddess, not one of 
the Olympians, and for art, Dionysus, the son of a mortal woman to 
whom the moment of his birth had proved also the moment of her 

But Life itself from its lowliest and most humble sphere produced 
one far more marvellous than the mother of Proserpina or the son of 
Semele. Out of the Carpenter's shop at Nazareth had come a 
personality infinitely greater than any made by myth and legend, 
and one, strangely enough, destined to reveal to the world the 
mystical meaning of wine and the real beauties of the lilies of the 
field as none, either on Cithaeron or at Enna, had ever done.

The song of Isaiah, 'He is despised and rejected of men, a man of 
sorrows and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces 
from him,' had seemed to him to prefigure himself, and in him the 
prophecy was fulfilled. We must not be afraid of such a phrase. 
Every single work of art is the fulfilment of a prophecy: for 
every work of art is the conversion of an idea into an image. 
Every single human being should be the fulfilment of a prophecy: 
for every human being should be the realisation of some ideal, 
either in the mind of God or in the mind of man. Christ found the 
type and fixed it, and the dream of a Virgilian poet, either at 
Jerusalem or at Babylon, became in the long progress of the 
centuries incarnate in him for whom the world was waiting.

To me one of the things in history the most to be regretted is that 
the Christ's own renaissance, which has produced the Cathedral at 
Chartres, the Arthurian cycle of legends, the life of St. Francis 
of Assisi, the art of Giotto, and Dante's DIVINE COMEDY, was not 
allowed to develop on its own lines, but was interrupted and 
spoiled by the dreary classical Renaissance that gave us Petrarch, 
and Raphael's frescoes, and Palladian architecture, and formal 
French tragedy, and St. Paul's Cathedral, and Pope's poetry, and 
everything that is made from without and by dead rules, and does 
not spring from within through some spirit informing it. But 
wherever there is a romantic movement in art there somehow, and 
under some form, is Christ, or the soul of Christ. He is in ROMEO 
AND JULIET, in the WINTER'S TALE, in Provencal poetry, in the 

We owe to him the most diverse things and people. Hugo's LES 
MISERABLES, Baudelaire's FLEURS DU MAL, the note of pity in Russian 
novels, Verlaine and Verlaine's poems, the stained glass and 
tapestries and the quattro-cento work of Burne-Jones and Morris, 
belong to him no less than the tower of Giotto, Lancelot and 
Guinevere, Tannhauser, the troubled romantic marbles of Michael 
Angelo, pointed architecture, and the love of children and flowers 
- for both of which, indeed, in classical art there was but little 
place, hardly enough for them to grow or play in, but which, from 
the twelfth century down to our own day, have been continually 
making their appearances in art, under various modes and at various 
times, coming fitfully and wilfully, as children, as flowers, are 
apt to do: spring always seeming to one as if the flowers had been 
in hiding, and only came out into the sun because they were afraid 
that grown up people would grow tired of looking for them and give 
up the search; and the life of a child being no more than an April 
day on which there is both rain and sun for the narcissus.

It is the imaginative quality of Christ's own nature that makes him 
this palpitating centre of romance. The strange figures of poetic 
drama and ballad are made by the imagination of others, but out of 
his own imagination entirely did Jesus of Nazareth create himself. 
The cry of Isaiah had really no more to do with his coming than the 
song of the nightingale has to do with the rising of the moon - no 
more, though perhaps no less. He was the denial as well as the 
affirmation of prophecy. For every expectation that he fulfilled 
there was another that he destroyed. 'In all beauty,' says Bacon, 
'there is some strangeness of proportion,' and of those who are 
born of the spirit - of those, that is to say, who like himself are 
dynamic forces - Christ says that they are like the wind that 
'bloweth where it listeth, and no man can tell whence it cometh and 
whither it goeth.' That is why he is so fascinating to artists. 
He has all the colour elements of life: mystery, strangeness, 
pathos, suggestion, ecstasy, love. He appeals to the temper of 
wonder, and creates that mood in which alone he can be understood.

And to me it is a joy to remember that if he is 'of imagination all 
compact,' the world itself is of the same substance. I said in 
DORIAN GRAY that the great sins of the world take place in the 
brain: but it is in the brain that everything takes place. We 
know now that we do not see with the eyes or hear with the ears. 
They are really channels for the transmission, adequate or 
inadequate, of sense impressions. It is in the brain that the 
poppy is red, that the apple is odorous, that the skylark sings.

Of late I have been studying with diligence the four prose poems 
about Christ. At Christmas I managed to get hold of a Greek 
Testament, and every morning, after I had cleaned my cell and 
polished my tins, I read a little of the Gospels, a dozen verses 
taken by chance anywhere. It is a delightful way of opening the 
day. Every one, even in a turbulent, ill-disciplined life, should 
do the same. Endless repetition, in and out of season, has spoiled 
for us the freshness, the naivete, the simple romantic charm of the 
Gospels. We hear them read far too often and far too badly, and 
all repetition is anti-spiritual. When one returns to the Greek; 
it is like going into a garden of lilies out of some, narrow and 
dark house.

And to me, the pleasure is doubled by the reflection that it is 
extremely probable that we have the actual terms, the IPSISSIMA 
VERBA, used by Christ. It was always supposed that Christ talked 
in Aramaic. Even Renan thought so. But now we know that the 
Galilean peasants, like the Irish peasants of our own day, were 
bilingual, and that Greek was the ordinary language of intercourse 
all over Palestine, as indeed all over the Eastern world. I never 
liked the idea that we knew of Christ's own words only through a 
translation of a translation. It is a delight to me to think that 
as far as his conversation was concerned, Charmides might have 
listened to him, and Socrates reasoned with him, and Plato 
understood him: that he really said [Greek text which cannot be 
reproduced], that when he thought of the lilies of the field and 
how they neither toil nor spin, his absolute expression was [Greek 
text which cannot be reproduced], and that his last word when he 
cried out 'my life has been completed, has reached its fulfilment, 
has been perfected,' was exactly as St. John tells us it was: 
[Greek text which cannot be reproduced] - no more.

While in reading the Gospels - particularly that of St. John 
himself, or whatever early Gnostic took his name and mantle - I see 
the continual assertion of the imagination as the basis of all 
spiritual and material life, I see also that to Christ imagination 
was simply a form of love, and that to him love was lord in the 
fullest meaning of the phrase. Some six weeks ago I was allowed by 
the doctor to have white bread to eat instead of the coarse black 
or brown bread of ordinary prison fare. It is a great delicacy. 
It will sound strange that dry bread could possibly be a delicacy 
to any one. To me it is so much so that at the close of each meal 
I carefully eat whatever crumbs may be left on my tin plate, or 
have fallen on the rough towel that one uses as a cloth so as not 
to soil one's table; and I do so not from hunger - I get now quite 
sufficient food - but simply in order that nothing should be wasted 
of what is given to me. So one should look on love.

Christ, like all fascinating personalities, had the power of not 
merely saying beautiful things himself, but of making other people 
say beautiful things to him; and I love the story St. Mark tells us 
about the Greek woman, who, when as a trial of her faith he said to 
her that he could not give her the bread of the children of Israel, 
answered him that the little dogs - ([Greek text which cannot be 
reproduced], 'little dogs' it should be rendered) - who are under 
the table eat of the crumbs that the children let fall. Most 
people live for love and admiration. But it is by love and 
admiration that we should live. If any love is shown us we should 
recognise that we are quite unworthy of it. Nobody is worthy to be 
loved. The fact that God loves man shows us that in the divine 
order of ideal things it is written that eternal love is to be 
given to what is eternally unworthy. Or if that phrase seems to be 
a bitter one to bear, let us say that every one is worthy of love, 
except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should 
be taken kneeling, and DOMINE, NON SUM DIGNUS should be on the lips 
and in the hearts of those who receive it.

If ever I write again, in the sense of producing artistic work, 
there are just two subjects on which and through which I desire to 
express myself: one is 'Christ as the precursor of the romantic 
movement in life': the other is 'The artistic life considered in 
its relation to conduct.' The first is, of course, intensely 
fascinating, for I see in Christ not merely the essentials of the 
supreme romantic type, but all the accidents, the wilfulnesses 
even, of the romantic temperament also. He was the first person 
who ever said to people that they should live 'flower-like lives.' 
He fixed the phrase. He took children as the type of what people 
should try to become. He held them up as examples to their elders, 
which I myself have always thought the chief use of children, if 
what is perfect should have a use. Dante describes the soul of a 
man as coming from the hand of God 'weeping and laughing like a 
little child,' and Christ also saw that the soul of each one should 
felt that life was changeful, fluid, active, and that to allow it 
to be stereotyped into any form was death. He saw that people 
should not be too serious over material, common interests: that to 
be unpractical was to be a great thing: that one should not bother 
too much over affairs. The birds didn't, why should man? He is 
charming when he says, 'Take no thought for the morrow; is not the 
soul more than meat? is not the body more than raiment?' A Greek 
might have used the latter phrase. It is full of Greek feeling. 
But only Christ could have said both, and so summed up life 
perfectly for us.

His morality is all sympathy, just what morality should be. If the 
only thing that he ever said had been, 'Her sins are forgiven her 
because she loved much,' it would have been worth while dying to 
have said it. His justice is all poetical justice, exactly what 
justice should be. The beggar goes to heaven because he has been 
unhappy. I cannot conceive a better reason for his being sent 
there. The people who work for an hour in the vineyard in the cool 
of the evening receive just as much reward as those who have toiled 
there all day long in the hot sun. Why shouldn't they? Probably 
no one deserved anything. Or perhaps they were a different kind of 
people. Christ had no patience with the dull lifeless mechanical 
systems that treat people as if they were things, and so treat 
everybody alike: for him there were no laws: there were 
exceptions merely, as if anybody, or anything, for that matter, was 
like aught else in the world!

That which is the very keynote of romantic art was to him the 
proper basis of natural life. He saw no other basis. And when 
they brought him one, taken in the very act of sin and showed him 
her sentence written in the law, and asked him what was to be done, 
he wrote with his finger on the ground as though he did not hear 
them, and finally, when they pressed him again, looked up and said, 
'Let him of you who has never sinned be the first to throw the 
stone at her.' It was worth while living to have said that.

Like all poetical natures he loved ignorant people. He knew that 
in the soul of one who is ignorant there is always room for a great 
idea. But he could not stand stupid people, especially those who 
are made stupid by education: people who are full of opinions not 
one of which they even understand, a peculiarly modern type, summed 
up by Christ when he describes it as the type of one who has the 
key of knowledge, cannot use it himself, and does not allow other 
people to use it, though it may be made to open the gate of God's 
Kingdom. His chief war was against the Philistines. That is the 
war every child of light has to wage. Philistinism was the note of 
the age and community in which he lived. In their heavy 
inaccessibility to ideas, their dull respectability, their tedious 
orthodoxy, their worship of vulgar success, their entire 
preoccupation with the gross materialistic side of life, and their 
ridiculous estimate of themselves and their importance, the Jews of 
Jerusalem in Christ's day were the exact counterpart of the British 
Philistine of our own. Christ mocked at the 'whited sepulchre' of 
respectability, and fixed that phrase for ever. He treated worldly 
success as a thing absolutely to be despised. He saw nothing in it 
at all. He looked on wealth as an encumbrance to a man. He would 
not hear of life being sacrificed to any system of thought or 
morals. He pointed out that forms and ceremonies were made for 
man, not man for forms and ceremonies. He took sabbatarianism as a 
type of the things that should be set at nought. The cold 
philanthropies, the ostentatious public charities, the tedious 
formalisms so dear to the middle-class mind, he exposed with utter 
and relentless scorn. To us, what is termed orthodoxy is merely a 
facile unintelligent acquiescence; but to them, and in their hands, 
it was a terrible and paralysing tyranny. Christ swept it aside. 
He showed that the spirit alone was of value. He took a keen 
pleasure in pointing out to them that though they were always 
reading the law and the prophets, they had not really the smallest 
idea of what either of them meant. In opposition to their tithing 
of each separate day into the fixed routine of prescribed duties, 
as they tithe mint and rue, he preached the enormous importance of 
living completely for the moment.

Those whom he saved from their sins are saved simply for beautiful 
moments in their lives. Mary Magdalen, when she sees Christ, 
breaks the rich vase of alabaster that one of her seven lovers had 
given her, and spills the odorous spices over his tired dusty feet, 
and for that one moment's sake sits for ever with Ruth and Beatrice 
in the tresses of the snow-white rose of Paradise. All that Christ 
says to us by the way of a little warning is that every moment 
should be beautiful, that the soul should always be ready for the 
coming of the bridegroom, always waiting for the voice of the 
lover, Philistinism being simply that side of man's nature that is 
not illumined by the imagination. He sees all the lovely 
influences of life as modes of light: the imagination itself is 
the world of light. The world is made by it, and yet the world 
cannot understand it: that is because the imagination is simply a 
manifestation of love, and it is love and the capacity for it that 
distinguishes one human being from another.

But it is when he deals with a sinner that Christ is most romantic, 
in the sense of most real. The world had always loved the saint as 
being the nearest possible approach to the perfection of God. 
Christ, through some divine instinct in him, seems to have always 
loved the sinner as being the nearest possible approach to the 
perfection of man. His primary desire was not to reform people, 
any more than his primary desire was to a relieve suffering. To 
turn an interesting thief into a tedious honest man was not his 
aim. He would have thought little of the Prisoners' Aid Society 
and other modern movements of the kind. The conversion of a 
publican into a Pharisee would not have seemed to him a great 
achievement. But in a manner not yet understood of the world he 
regarded sin and suffering as being in themselves beautiful holy 
things and modes of perfection.

It seems a very dangerous idea. It is - all great ideas are 
dangerous. That it was Christ's creed admits of no doubt. That it 
is the true creed I don't doubt myself.

Of course the sinner must repent. But why? Simply because 
otherwise he would be unable to realise what he had done. The 
moment of repentance is the moment of initiation. More than that: 
it is the means by which one alters one's past. The Greeks thought 
that impossible. They often say in their Gnomic aphorisms, 'Even 
the Gods cannot alter the past.' Christ showed that the commonest 
sinner could do it, that it was the one thing he could do. Christ, 
had he been asked, would have said - I feel quite certain about it 
- that the moment the prodigal son fell on his knees and wept, he 
made his having wasted his substance with harlots, his swine-
herding and hungering for the husks they ate, beautiful and holy 
moments in his life. It is difficult for most people to grasp the 
idea. I dare say one has to go to prison to understand it. If so, 
it may be worth while going to prison.

There is something so unique about Christ. Of course just as there 
are false dawns before the dawn itself, and winter days so full of 
sudden sunlight that they will cheat the wise crocus into 
squandering its gold before its time, and make some foolish bird 
call to its mate to build on barren boughs, so there were 
Christians before Christ. For that we should be grateful. The 
unfortunate thing is that there have been none since. I make one 
exception, St. Francis of Assisi. But then God had given him at 
his birth the soul of a poet, as he himself when quite young had in 
mystical marriage taken poverty as his bride: and with the soul of 
a poet and the body of a beggar he found the way to perfection not 
difficult. He understood Christ, and so he became like him. We do 
not require the Liber Conformitatum to teach us that the life of 
St. Francis was the true IMITATIO CHRISTI, a poem compared to which 
the book of that name is merely prose.

Indeed, that is the charm about Christ, when all is said: he is 
just like a work of art. He does not really teach one anything, 
but by being brought into his presence one becomes something. And 
everybody is predestined to his presence. Once at least in his 
life each man walks with Christ to Emmaus.

As regards the other subject, the Relation of the Artistic Life to 
Conduct, it will no doubt seem strange to you that I should select 
it. People point to Reading Gaol and say, 'That is where the 
artistic life leads a man.' Well, it might lead to worse places. 
The more mechanical people to whom life is a shrewd speculation 
depending on a careful calculation of ways and means, always know 
where they are going, and go there. They start with the ideal 
desire of being the parish beadle, and in whatever sphere they are 
placed they succeed in being the parish beadle and no more. A man 
whose desire is to be something separate from himself, to be a 
member of Parliament, or a successful grocer, or a prominent 
solicitor, or a judge, or something equally tedious, invariably 
succeeds in being what he wants to be. That is his punishment. 
Those who want a mask have to wear it.

But with the dynamic forces of life, and those in whom those 
dynamic forces become incarnate, it is different. People whose 
desire is solely for self-realisation never know where they are 
going. They can't know. In one sense of the word it is of course 
necessary, as the Greek oracle said, to know oneself: that is the 
first achievement of knowledge. But to recognise that the soul of 
a man is unknowable, is the ultimate achievement of wisdom. The 
final mystery is oneself. When one has weighed the sun in the 
balance, and measured the steps of the moon, and mapped out the 
seven heavens star by star, there still remains oneself. Who can 
calculate the orbit of his own soul? When the son went out to look 
for his father's asses, he did not know that a man of God was 
waiting for him with the very chrism of coronation, and that his 
own soul was already the soul of a king.

I hope to live long enough and to produce work of such a character 
that I shall be able at the end of my days to say, 'Yes! this is 
just where the artistic life leads a man!' Two of the most perfect 
lives I have come across in my own experience are the lives of 
Verlaine and of Prince Kropotkin: both of them men who have passed 
years in prison: the first, the one Christian poet since Dante; 
the other, a man with a soul of that beautiful white Christ which 
seems coming out of Russia. And for the last seven or eight 
months, in spite of a succession of great troubles reaching me from 
the outside world almost without intermission, I have been placed 
in direct contact with a new spirit working in this prison through 
man and things, that has helped me beyond any possibility of 
expression in words: so that while for the first year of my 
imprisonment I did nothing else, and can remember doing nothing 
else, but wring my hands in impotent despair, and say, 'What an 
ending, what an appalling ending!' now I try to say to myself, and 
sometimes when I am not torturing myself do really and sincerely 
say, 'What a beginning, what a wonderful beginning!' It may really 
be so. It may become so. If it does I shall owe much to this new 
personality that has altered every man's life in this place.

You may realise it when I say that had I been released last May, as 
I tried to be, I would have left this place loathing it and every 
official in it with a bitterness of hatred that would have poisoned 
my life. I have had a year longer of imprisonment, but humanity 
has been in the prison along with us all, and now when I go out I 
shall always remember great kindnesses that I have received here 
from almost everybody, and on the day of my release I shall give 
many thanks to many people, and ask to be remembered by them in 

The prison style is absolutely and entirely wrong. I would give 
anything to be able to alter it when I go out. I intend to try. 
But there is nothing in the world so wrong but that the spirit of 
humanity, which is the spirit of love, the spirit of the Christ who 
is not in churches, may make it, if not right, at least possible to 
be borne without too much bitterness of heart.

I know also that much is waiting for me outside that is very 
delightful, from what St. Francis of Assisi calls 'my brother the 
wind, and my sister the rain,' lovely things both of them, down to 
the shop-windows and sunsets of great cities. If I made a list of 
all that still remains to me, I don't know where I should stop: 
for, indeed, God made the world just as much for me as for any one 
else. Perhaps I may go out with something that I had not got 
before. I need not tell you that to me reformations in morals are 
as meaningless and vulgar as Reformations in theology. But while 
to propose to be a better man is a piece of unscientific cant, to 
have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have 
suffered. And such I think I have become.

If after I am free a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not 
invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. I can be perfectly happy 
by myself. With freedom, flowers, books, and the moon, who could 
not be perfectly happy? Besides, feasts are not for me any more. 
I have given too many to care about them. That side of life is 
over for me, very fortunately, I dare say. But if after I am free 
a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, 
I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house 
of mourning against me, I would come back again and again and beg 
to be admitted, so that I might share in what I was entitled to 
share in. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I 
should feel it as the most poignant humiliation, as the most 
terrible mode in which disgrace could be inflicted on me. But that 
could not be. I have a right to share in sorrow, and he who can 
look at the loveliness of the world and share its sorrow, and 
realise something of the wonder of both, is in immediate contact 
with divine things, and has got as near to God's secret as any one 
can get.

Perhaps there may come into my art also, no less than into my life, 
a still deeper note, one of greater unity of passion, and 
directness of impulse. Not width but intensity is the true aim of 
modern art. We are no longer in art concerned with the type. It 
is with the exception that we have to do. I cannot put my 
sufferings into any form they took, I need hardly say. Art only 
begins where Imitation ends, but something must come into my work, 
of fuller memory of words perhaps, of richer cadences, of more 
curious effects, of simpler architectural order, of some aesthetic 
quality at any rate.

When Marsyas was 'torn from the scabbard of his limbs' - DELLA 
VAGINA DELLA MEMBRE SUE, to use one of Dante's most terrible 
Tacitean phrases - he had no more song, the Greek said. Apollo had 
been victor. The lyre had vanquished the reed. But perhaps the 
Greeks were mistaken. I hear in much modern Art the cry of 
Marsyas. It is bitter in Baudelaire, sweet and plaintive in 
Lamartine, mystic in Verlaine. It is in the deferred resolutions 
of Chopin's music. It is in the discontent that haunts Burne-
Jones's women. Even Matthew Arnold, whose song of Callicles tells 
of 'the triumph of the sweet persuasive lyre,' and the 'famous 
final victory,' in such a clear note of lyrical beauty, has not a 
little of it; in the troubled undertone of doubt and distress that 
haunts his verses, neither Goethe nor Wordsworth could help him, 
though he followed each in turn, and when he seeks to mourn for 
THYRSIS or to sing of the SCHOLAR GIPSY, it is the reed that he has 
to take for the rendering of his strain. But whether or not the 
Phrygian Faun was silent, I cannot be. Expression is as necessary 
to me as leaf and blossoms are to the black branches of the trees 
that show themselves above the prison walls and are so restless in 
the wind. Between my art and the world there is now a wide gulf, 
but between art and myself there is none. I hope at least that 
there is none.

To each of us different fates are meted out. My lot has been one 
of public infamy, of long imprisonment, of misery, of ruin, of 
disgrace, but I am not worthy of it - not yet, at any rate. I 
remember that I used to say that I thought I could bear a real 
tragedy if it came to me with purple pall and a mask of noble 
sorrow, but that the dreadful thing about modernity was that it put 
tragedy into the raiment of comedy, so that the great realities 
seemed commonplace or grotesque or lacking in style. It is quite 
true about modernity. It has probably always been true about 
actual life. It is said that all martyrdoms seemed mean to the 
looker on. The nineteenth century is no exception to the rule.

Everything about my tragedy has been hideous, mean, repellent, 
lacking in style; our very dress makes us grotesque. We are the 
zanies of sorrow. We are clowns whose hearts are broken. We are 
specially designed to appeal to the sense of humour. On November 
13th, 1895, I was brought down here from London. From two o'clock 
till half-past two on that day I had to stand on the centre 
platform of Clapham Junction in convict dress, and handcuffed, for 
the world to look at. I had been taken out of the hospital ward 
without a moment's notice being given to me. Of all possible 
objects I was the most grotesque. When people saw me they laughed. 
Each train as it came up swelled the audience. Nothing could 
exceed their amusement. That was, of course, before they knew who 
I was. As soon as they had been informed they laughed still more. 
For half an hour I stood there in the grey November rain surrounded 
by a jeering mob.

For a year after that was done to me I wept every day at the same 
hour and for the same space of time. That is not such a tragic 
thing as possibly it sounds to you. To those who are in prison 
tears are a part of every day's experience. A day in prison on 
which one does not weep is a day on which one's heart is hard, not 
a day on which one's heart is happy.

Well, now I am really beginning to feel more regret for the people 
who laughed than for myself. Of course when they saw me I was not 
on my pedestal, I was in the pillory. But it is a very 
unimaginative nature that only cares for people on their pedestals. 
A pedestal may be a very unreal thing. A pillory is a terrific 
reality. They should have known also how to interpret sorrow 
better. I have said that behind sorrow there is always sorrow. It 
were wiser still to say that behind sorrow there is always a soul. 
And to mock at a soul in pain is a dreadful thing. In the 
strangely simple economy of the world people only get what they 
give, and to those who have not enough imagination to penetrate the 
mere outward of things, and feel pity, what pity can be given save 
that of scorn?

I write this account of the mode of my being transferred here 
simply that it should be realised how hard it has been for me to 
get anything out of my punishment but bitterness and despair. I 
have, however, to do it, and now and then I have moments of 
submission and acceptance. All the spring may be hidden in the 
single bud, and the low ground nest of the lark may hold the joy 
that is to herald the feet of many rose-red dawns. So perhaps 
whatever beauty of life still remains to me is contained in some 
moment of surrender, abasement, and humiliation. I can, at any 
rate, merely proceed on the lines of my own development, and, 
accepting all that has happened to me, make myself worthy of it.

People used to say of me that I was too individualistic. I must be 
far more of an individualist than ever I was. I must get far more 
out of myself than ever I got, and ask far less of the world than 
ever I asked. Indeed, my ruin came not from too great 
individualism of life, but from too little. The one disgraceful, 
unpardonable, and to all time contemptible action of my life was to 
allow myself to appeal to society for help and protection. To have 
made such an appeal would have been from the individualist point of 
view bad enough, but what excuse can there ever be put forward for 
having made it? Of course once I had put into motion the forces of 
society, society turned on me and said, 'Have you been living all 
this time in defiance of my laws, and do you now appeal to those 
laws for protection? You shall have those laws exercised to the 
full. You shall abide by what you have appealed to.' The result 
is I am in gaol. Certainly no man ever fell so ignobly, and by 
such ignoble instruments, as I did.

The Philistine element in life is not the failure to understand 
art. Charming people, such as fishermen, shepherds, ploughboys, 
peasants and the like, know nothing about art, and are the very 
salt of the earth. He is the Philistine who upholds and aids the 
heavy, cumbrous, blind, mechanical forces of society, and who does 
not recognise dynamic force when he meets it either in a man or a 

People thought it dreadful of me to have entertained at dinner the 
evil things of life, and to have found pleasure in their company. 
But then, from the point of view through which I, as an artist in 
life, approach them they were delightfully suggestive and 
stimulating. The danger was half the excitement. . . . My business 
as an artist was with Ariel. I set myself to wrestle with Caliban. 
. . .

A great friend of mine - a friend of ten years' standing - came to 
see me some time ago, and told me that he did not believe a single 
word of what was said against me, and wished me to know that he 
considered me quite innocent, and the victim of a hideous plot. I 
burst into tears at what he said, and told him that while there was 
much amongst the definite charges that was quite untrue and 
transferred to me by revolting malice, still that my life had been 
full of perverse pleasures, and that unless he accepted that as a 
fact about me and realised it to the full I could not possibly be 
friends with him any more, or ever be in his company. It was a 
terrible shock to him, but we are friends, and I have not got his 
friendship on false pretences.

Emotional forces, as I say somewhere in INTENTIONS, are as limited 
in extent and duration as the forces of physical energy. The 
little cup that is made to hold so much can hold so much and no 
more, though all the purple vats of Burgundy be filled with wine to 
the brim, and the treaders stand knee-deep in the gathered grapes 
of the stony vineyards of Spain. There is no error more common 
than that of thinking that those who are the causes or occasions of 
great tragedies share in the feelings suitable to the tragic mood: 
no error more fatal than expecting it of them. The martyr in his 
'shirt of flame' may be looking on the face of God, but to him who 
is piling the faggots or loosening the logs for the blast the whole 
scene is no more than the slaying of an ox is to the butcher, or 
the felling of a tree to the charcoal burner in the forest, or the 
fall of a flower to one who is mowing down the grass with a scythe. 
Great passions are for the great of soul, and great events can be 
seen only by those who are on a level with them.

* * * * *

I know of nothing in all drama more incomparable from the point of 
view of art, nothing more suggestive in its subtlety of 
observation, than Shakespeare's drawing of Rosencrantz and 
Guildenstern. They are Hamlet's college friends. They have been 
his companions. They bring with them memories of pleasant days 
together. At the moment when they come across him in the play he 
is staggering under the weight of a burden intolerable to one of 
his temperament. The dead have come armed out of the grave to 
impose on him a mission at once too great and too mean for him. He 
is a dreamer, and he is called upon to act. He has the nature of 
the poet, and he is asked to grapple with the common complexity of 
cause and effect, with life in its practical realisation, of which 
he knows nothing, not with life in its ideal essence, of which he 
knows so much. He has no conception of what to do, and his folly 
is to feign folly. Brutus used madness as a cloak to conceal the 
sword of his purpose, the dagger of his will, but the Hamlet 
madness is a mere mask for the hiding of weakness. In the making 
of fancies and jests he sees a chance of delay. He keeps playing 
with action as an artist plays with a theory. He makes himself the 
spy of his proper actions, and listening to his own words knows 
them to be but 'words, words, words.' Instead of trying to be the 
hero of his own history, he seeks to be the spectator of his own 
tragedy. He disbelieves in everything, including himself, and yet 
his doubt helps him not, as it comes not from scepticism but from a 
divided will.

Of all this Guildenstern and Rosencrantz realise nothing. They bow 
and smirk and smile, and what the one says the other echoes with 
sickliest intonation. When, at last, by means of the play within 
the play, and the puppets in their dalliance, Hamlet 'catches the 
conscience' of the King, and drives the wretched man in terror from 
his throne, Guildenstern and Rosencrantz see no more in his conduct 
than a rather painful breach of Court etiquette. That is as far as 
they can attain to in 'the contemplation of the spectacle of life 
with appropriate emotions.' They are close to his very secret and 
know nothing of it. Nor would there be any use in telling them. 
They are the little cups that can hold so much and no more. 
Towards the close it is suggested that, caught in a cunning spring 
set for another, they have met, or may meet, with a violent and 
sudden death. But a tragic ending of this kind, though touched by 
Hamlet's humour with something of the surprise and justice of 
comedy, is really not for such as they. They never die. Horatio, 
who in order to 'report Hamlet and his cause aright to the 

'Absents him from felicity a while, 
And in this harsh world draws his breath in pain,'

dies, but Guildenstern and Rosencrantz are as immortal as Angelo 
and Tartuffe, and should rank with them. They are what modern life 
has contributed to the antique ideal of friendship. He who writes 
a new DE AMICITIA must find a niche for them, and praise them in 
Tusculan prose. They are types fixed for all time. To censure 
them would show 'a lack of appreciation.' They are merely out of 
their sphere: that is all. In sublimity of soul there is no 
contagion. High thoughts and high emotions are by their very 
existence isolated.

I am to be released, if all goes well with me, towards the end of 
May, and hope to go at once to some little sea-side village abroad 
with R- and M-.

The sea, as Euripides says in one of his plays about Iphigeneia, 
washes away the stains and wounds of the world.

I hope to be at least a month with my friends, and to gain peace 
and balance, and a less troubled heart, and a sweeter mood. I have 
a strange longing for the great simple primeval things, such as the 
sea, to me no less of a mother than the Earth. It seems to me that 
we all look at Nature too much, and live with her too little. I 
discern great sanity in the Greek attitude. They never chattered 
about sunsets, or discussed whether the shadows on the grass were 
really mauve or not. But they saw that the sea was for the 
swimmer, and the sand for the feet of the runner. They loved the 
trees for the shadow that they cast, and the forest for its silence 
at noon. The vineyard-dresser wreathed his hair with ivy that he 
might keep off the rays of the sun as he stooped over the young 
shoots, and for the artist and the athlete, the two types that 
Greece gave us, they plaited with garlands the leaves of the bitter 
laurel and of the wild parsley, which else had been of no service 
to men.

We call ours a utilitarian age, and we do not know the uses of any 
single thing. We have forgotten that water can cleanse, and fire 
purify, and that the Earth is mother to us all. As a consequence 
our art is of the moon and plays with shadows, while Greek art is 
of the sun and deals directly with things. I feel sure that in 
elemental forces there is purification, and I want to go back to 
them and live in their presence.

Of course to one so modern as I am, 'Enfant de mon siecle,' merely 
to look at the world will be always lovely. I tremble with 
pleasure when I think that on the very day of my leaving prison 
both the laburnum and the lilac will be blooming in the gardens, 
and that I shall see the wind stir into restless beauty the swaying 
gold of the one, and make the other toss the pale purple of its 
plumes, so that all the air shall be Arabia for me. Linnaeus fell 
on his knees and wept for joy when he saw for the first time the 
long heath of some English upland made yellow with the tawny 
aromatic brooms of the common furze; and I know that for me, to 
whom flowers are part of desire, there are tears waiting in the 
petals of some rose. It has always been so with me from my 
boyhood. There is not a single colour hidden away in the chalice 
of a flower, or the curve of a shell, to which, by some subtle 
sympathy with the very soul of things, my nature does not answer. 
Like Gautier, I have always been one of those 'pour qui le monde 
visible existe.'

Still, I am conscious now that behind all this beauty, satisfying 
though it may be, there is some spirit hidden of which the painted 
forms and shapes are but modes of manifestation, and it is with 
this spirit that I desire to become in harmony. I have grown tired 
of the articulate utterances of men and things. The Mystical in 
Art, the Mystical in Life, the Mystical in Nature this is what I am 
looking for. It is absolutely necessary for me to find it 

All trials are trials for one's life, just as all sentences are 
sentences of death; and three times have I been tried. The first 
time I left the box to be arrested, the second time to be led back 
to the house of detention, the third time to pass into a prison for 
two years. Society, as we have constituted it, will have no place 
for me, has none to offer; but Nature, whose sweet rains fall on 
unjust and just alike, will have clefts in the rocks where I may 
hide, and secret valleys in whose silence I may weep undisturbed. 
She will hang the night with stars so that I may walk abroad in the 
darkness without stumbling, and send the wind over my footprints so 
that none may track me to my hurt: she will cleanse me in great 
waters, and with bitter herbs make me whole.

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